• Speak softly
• Stand strong
• Remain calm
• Dress girly
• Be modest
• Exude patience
• Don’t be so emotional
• Remain or get thin
• Smooth wrinkles
• Hide stretch marks
• Get married
• Raise kids
• Climb the corporate ladder
• Nurse your child
• Don’t miss work
• Please your partner
• Have an orgasm
• Conceal pleasure

Dysfunctional Philosophies, What the hell?

Are we being culturally f*cked?

As ridiculous as the above list may seem, these are some of the societal stereotypes being placed on women’s sexuality.

Culture shapes our belief system surrounding our sexuality. Its influence can be felt in everything from books and magazines to movies and songs.

Looking back at my sexuality studies at the Institute… I realize there wasn’t much emphasis on individual female sexuality. There was one group class, but more course offerings were limited. To study female sexuality and lesbianism was self-directed.

That was back in 2010, and unfortunately, things aren’t much better these days. We’re still struggling to break through gender barriers and delve into taboo topics. Such constraints clearly depict why many women are ashamed and confused about their sexuality.

But today, I’m here to debunk those dysfunctional ideologies.

If you’re a woman struggling with feeling comfortable in your own skin, this post is for you.

Dysfunctional Philosophies

Chances are your body image, war with orgasm, and gender expectations stem from societal influences.

We’re going to start reclaiming your essence right now.

Disclaimer:

Guys are welcome to read along. But this particular lesson is custom fit for women.

This post will cover ten dysfunctional philosophies about female sexuality and what you can do to overcome them.

WARNING!

You may want to grab a glass of wine before continuing. Keep the bottle handy; you might need to chug the whole thing down by the end of this post.

Now, let’s put on our big girl panties and get to work!

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #1: The Gender Fallacy

Lies have been told to little girls since the time of birth. And gender expectations have to lead the charge.

• Girls play with dolls
• Wear a frilly pink dress
• Read fairy tales
• One day, you’ll marry a prince charming
• Your husband will take care of you
• Women’s work outside the home is only in nurturing fields like teaching and nursing

The MamaSutra’s Take

I call BS.

It’s this limiting belief system that sets the stage for future years of stifled sexuality. Women are made to believe that we’re forced to fit inside a “perfect” box. As soon as we color outside these imaginary lines, we’re damned. In fact, everyone suffers when we keep gender so binary.

This article in USA Today does an excellent job of breaking down sexism in America.

Perhaps we should pause for a moment and really think things through.

Who said that a woman has to be highly feminine?

Who said a female mechanic can’t be sexy?

And who said dainty skirts and lipstick were our heart’s desire?

Now, I know many women love dabbling in cosmetics and fashion. To that, I say…

Rock the runway, beautiful!

Then there are those of us who aren’t high-femme. Curling up on the couch in a pair of sweatpants is sufficient.

To that, I say…

Do you, sexy!

Both scenarios boil down to personal preference. We should never feel forced to choose either or.

And let’s not forget that little thing called, “mood”. Some days, I might pop in with a flowing dress and high heels. Other times, you’ll catch me in sweats and a ponytail. Should one be perceived as being better than the other?

Real discussions on gender roles are rare in America. Feeding into the fallacy is where the problem with female sexuality begins.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #2: Beauty is a Size 0

Up until recent days, images of painfully thin, blonde-haired, perky-breasted models were portrayed as the standard for beauty in America. And even though more efforts are being made for inclusivity, the size zero Barbie doll is still the measuring stick.

The MamaSutra’s Take

Real women’s bodies aren’t skin and bones. We possess beautiful curves and cushion. This is something we should embrace. But society’s unrealistic portrayal of beauty has tainted our perception.

We worry about being:

• Too fat
• Too thin
• Too dark
• Too light
• Too flat
• Too curvy

I suppose if you’re constantly trying to keep up with the cosmetically-sculpted Kardashians, you’ll never be satisfied with your body.

Many women turn to such photoshopped images as the standard for beauty. Even worse… This mental garbage is being fed to impressionable tweens and teens. That’s why it’s up to us to take a stand. Developing and maintaining a healthy image of your body is essential.

Struggling to overcome body image?

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #3: Men Desire a Virgin Bride

After filling your head with hundreds of lies about gender expectations, body image, and female sexuality, they hit you with the show-stopper.

Save yourself until marriage!

Imagine that. Now society wants to tell you what to do with the body they’ve criticized.

The MamaSutra’s Take

Whether you decide to abstain or engage in sexual activity, the choice is yours.

Both paths are viable choices for your sexuality. And I fully support the right to choose.

Here’s my issue with the virgin bride saga.

Society’s perspective on this has nothing to do with the woman, her body, emotions, or sexual health.

Instead…

The end game is all about what men find pleasing.

For centuries, women have been taught that a man respects you more when you keep your body pure until the wedding day. When you think about it…

Even the white wedding gown and veil bears witness to that one.

But what about the guy? Is he expected to remain pure while you’re doing all that saving? Nope, he’s encouraged to sow his wild oats. Dysfunctional Philosophies. Get it all out of his system before settling down with one woman. Yet, women’s sexuality has a cap…

It’s easy to see how these double standards and twisted psychology can lead to women internalizing shame, regret, and lack of sexual pleasure.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #4: Women Can’t Just F*CK

One night stands, no strings attached, and hookups are considered part of “trashy Behavior” in society. Women are expected to be in committed relationships before engaging in sex. Otherwise, you’ve deemed a slut.

Ouch! That’s harsh.

The MamaSutra’s Take

I’m always tickled by how so many people get annoyed with the activities you decide to do with your body.

So, allow me to make this one crystal clear.

It’s Your Body!

Sexual pleasure is something you should experience if and whenever you want. Dysfunctional Philosophies. Just make sure you’re practicing safe sex habits.

Who knows… A midnight quickie might be exactly what you need to relieve a little tension.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #5: Women are Emotional Basket Cases

Women:

• Lead with their heart
• Fall in love every other week
• Become emotionally attached
• Suffer from being emotionally fragile
• Don’t have sex (only make love)

The MamaSutra’s Take

I wonder how we’d ever get anything done if our emotions made us that much of a basket case. Maybe that emotional energy comes in handy when we’re fulfilling sexual fantasies, nursing a baby, raising kids, and climbing the corporate ladder.

Here’s the flip side though. We may get a little bitchy sometimes. Hormones, PMS, birth control, and pressures of life are realistic contributors.

But emotional baggage from the past often plays a role too. Those prevalent or subconscious memories might be the very thing that’s keeping your sexuality in bondage.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #6: Rape Avoidance (Women Must Dress Modestly… Teaching Consent to Men is Void)

I’m sure you’re all too familiar with the following rhetoric.

Women should do more to prevent rape. Men are visual beings. Exposing too much skin sends a signal to men. Dysfunctional Philosophies. They may see something they like and decide to take it.

You can avoid this occurrence by dressing modestly, coming home before midnight, and behaving like a civilized lady.

The MamaSutra’s Take

It isn’t the woman’s job to help a man control his penis. Just because he sees something that’s appealing doesn’t give him the right to touch or take.

The #MeTooMovement does an excellent job of making this distinction.

It’s never the victim’s fault. But sexual abuse victims have been blamed and shamed for far too long.

That’s why it’s time for us to shift the conversation.

From adolescence to adulthood, females are taught to dress modestly and mind their sexual behavior. But who’s teaching young men relationship boundaries? We can’t have one without the other.

My 5 Building Blocks to a Healthy Sexuality is a great conversation starter for parents and adults alike.

I clearly outline the topics of consent and boundary setting. Such dialogue should take place when raising boys as well. The same conversation should take place with grown men. Getting a firm grasp on “Yes, No, Maybe” is the only way we’ll truly begin rewriting this narrative.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #7: Abortion is Evil

Abortion is frowned upon by a segment of society. Many consider it murder. The woman who has an abortion is often shamed. Whether it’s subtle or direct, she’s taught or even expected to carry that guilt for the rest of her life.

The MamaSutra’s Take

Your body; your choice. Dysfunctional Philosophies.  Women seek abortions for various reasons. And you can believe abortion isn’t right for you, but it’s okay for somebody else. Whatever the reason. Sometimes the pregnancy is the result of rape. Tell me who has the right to blame a woman who doesn’t want to carry a reminder of a traumatic event for nine months.

There’s also teen pregnancy to consider. These conversations make people uncomfortable. But it’s a reality.

Teens lack the mental, physical, and financial capacity to raise a child on their own. This is a scenario when abortion might seem like the best solution for the pregnant teen.

Refusing to provide proper education regarding all options including adoption and abortion is only a disservice to the ones who need it most.

This article from an outraged mom delves into the reasons why she believes kids should be properly taught about abortion. Adult or teen… It’s the woman’s body. Dysfunctional Philosophies and she reserves the right to decide what’s best for her.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #8: You Slut! (Woman Shaming)

Message Received

Wearing revealing attire and dating, or, even flirting with several guys initiates the slut-bashing. Men can date and screw several partners. But if a woman does it…

She’s a slut!

The MamaSutra’s Take

This one may be the worst of them all. Unfortunately, women are quick to tear each other down. We compete, gossip, and shame each other to no end.

But imagine what could happen if we rewired that behavior. Women are so much stronger when we stand together. Instead of seeing other females as the competition… View it as a sisterhood.

At the end of the day, that’s really what it is. It boils down to us sticking together if we’re ever going to overcome the stereotypes being placed on us.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #9: It’s Inappropriate for a Woman to Ask a Man Out

Society says that approaching a man first is aggressive behavior. This sets the tone for the entire relationship if one were to be established. The woman would lead the relationship. This is a huge part of society’s problem now.

The MamaSutra’s Take

Bravo, Beautiful! When you see something, you want… Go after it. #Dysfunctional Philosophies for who?

Asking a man out proves you’re confident within yourself. You know you have something great to offer. It’ll be his gain to cash in.

Dysfunctional Societal Philosophy #10: Lesbian is a Bad Word

While society is slowly warming up to same-sex relationships, it’s still in the minority category. Women exclusively choosing to partner with other women is a shot to the heterosexual male’s ego. Threesomes are okay. But women lacking all sexual interest in men is damn near unacceptable.

The MamaSutra’s Take

Dysfunctional Philosophies. Your sexual orientation is your business. No one else gets to dictate who you love, screw, or cuddle with at night. Embrace your sexual desires, and remain confident when facing critics.

xoxo,

Lanae

Resources

I’ve compiled a list of books that’ll help you delve deeper into the topic of female sexuality in America.

Full Disclosure: Affiliate links may be used for some of these resources. Only click if you don’t mind helping me pay a few bills.

“Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All“

by: Jaclyn Friedman

“The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women”

By: Naomi Wolf

“Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture”

By: Ariel Levy

“Sexism in America: Alive, Well, and Ruining Our Future”

By: Barbara J. Berg PhD

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P.S. (added Sept 12, 2023): The “Barbie” movie has come out, and the monologue by America Ferrera’s character seems to be on the same wavelength as this blog post! 😀SaveSave

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