Married life takes work but that work can be a lot more rewarding when you’re equipped with the right tools. Acquiring the right tools all begins with healthy communication.
Healthy communication helps you set realistic expectations and get through those uncomfortable conversations a little more comfortably.
Whether you choose to work with a licensed mental health counselor or fly solo with your partner, these are the areas you MUST discuss with your partner before committing to life with them.
Want a step-by-step manual on healthy relationships? My PreMarital Preparation Program looks into real-life challenges such as communication, intimacy, family dynamics, and financial planning.
1. Communication and Conflict Resolution
Communication is the lifeblood of any thriving relationship. It’s how we express our needs, desires, and most importantly, how we show our partners that we truly value and respect their perspectives. This becomes especially important during conflicts.
Effective communication can prevent misunderstandings, diffuse tension, and help resolve issues without letting them escalate.

The first step in healthy communication is getting clear on how you will communicate as a couple. Here are some questions to ask your partner to explore the best way to communicate to each other throughout your relationship:
- How do you prefer to communicate when you’re upset?
- What are your triggers during disagreements?
- How do you feel about taking breaks during heated arguments?
- What phrases or words should we avoid using during conflicts?
- How can I show you that I am actively listening to you?
- What are your expectations for resolving conflicts?
- How can we ensure we both feel heard and understood during disagreements?
- What non-verbal cues indicate that you’re open to discussing a conflict?
- How do you feel about seeking outside help, like counseling, if we can’t resolve an issue on our own?
- What strategies have worked for you in past conflicts, and which ones haven’t?
Speaking openly about how you will communicate not only helps you navigate difficult conversations in the future, but it also helps you develop the communication skills needed for a healthy marriage overall.
2. Financial Planning
Money matters can be a major source of stress in relationships, but they don’t have to be. Talking openly and honestly about your financial expectations and plans can help prevent misunderstandings and establish realistic expectations.
Financial planning is also a great opportunity to align your values and goals as a couple. By discussing these topics openly, you can make a clear path for reaching those goals.
Here are some money related questions to ask your partner to see if you’re on the same page financially:
- How should we handle our finances together?
- Should we have joint or separate accounts?
- What are your financial goals for the next five, ten, and twenty years?
- How do you feel about debt, and how much debt are you currently in?
- Do you have a monthly budget and how should we budget our finances together?
- How much should we save each month, and what are our savings goals?
- What are your spending habits, and how do they align with mine?
- How will we handle financial emergencies or unexpected expenses?
- What are our views on large purchases, like a home or car?
- How will we plan for retirement and long-term financial security?
- How do we prioritize our financial obligations, such as bills, loans, and investments?
3. Family Planning
Deciding if and when to start a family is one of the most significant decisions you’ll make as a couple. Before you bring another life into this world, get clear about whether or not you both want kids, how many kids, how they will be raised, who is responsible for what… get a very clear picture of what that life looks like for the two of you.
Here are some important questions to ask your partner about family planning:
- Do we both want children? If so, when?
- How many children do we envision having?
- What are our views on parenting styles and discipline?
- How will we share parenting responsibilities?
- What role do we expect extended family members to play in our children’s lives?
- How do we feel about adoption or fertility treatments if we face challenges conceiving?
- What are our career goals, and how might they impact our family plans?
- How do we plan to balance work and family life?
- What values and traditions do we want to pass on to our children?
- How will we handle differences in our parenting philosophies?
4. Career and Personal Goals
Balancing career ambitions and personal goals with your relationship can be a bit tricky. When you understand and support each other’s aspirations, both partners feel valued and motivated.
Openly discussing your goals helps you become the architect of your life together, designing how you will reach your goals and how you will support your partner in reaching theirs.
Here are some questions to ask your partner about career and personal goals:
- What are your short-term and long-term career goals?
- How do you see your career evolving over the next five to ten years?
- What personal goals are important to you, and how can I support them?
- How will we handle situations where our career goals might conflict?
- What are our expectations for work-life balance?
- How do we plan to support each other during career changes or advancements?
- What sacrifices are we willing to make for each other’s career growth?
- How do we ensure we both have time and space to pursue personal interests and hobbies?
- How do we envision our lives if one of us needs to relocate for a job?
- What are our plans for continuous learning and personal development?
5. Household Duties
Managing household responsibilities can sometimes be a source of tension, but it doesn’t have to be. Clear communication and a fair division of chores can make a world of difference (happily-ever-after versus divorce).
When both partners feel that the workload is balanced, you set the stage for a more harmonious home life.
Here are some important questions to ask your partner about household duties:
- How should we divide household chores and responsibilities?
- What are your expectations for maintaining our home?
- How often should we clean and organize different areas of the house?
- How do you feel about hiring help, such as a cleaner or gardener, if needed?
- What are our individual strengths and preferences when it comes to household tasks?
- How will we handle chores if one of us is busier or more stressed than usual?
- How do we ensure that both of us feel the division of labor is fair?
- What systems or schedules can we put in place to manage household tasks efficiently?
- Do you have any pet peeves, like leaving dirty dishes in the sink or leaving clothes on the floor?
- How do we address any feelings of resentment or imbalance regarding household chores?
- How can we support each other in creating a comfortable and well-maintained living space?
6. Sex and Intimacy
If communication is the lifeblood of a thriving, lasting relationship, then intimacy is the breath. Sex and intimacy breathes life into the relationship by creating a deep connection, making it more passionate and fulfilling.
Here are some questions to ask your partner about sex and intimacy:
- How can we keep our sex life exciting and fulfilling?
- What are your boundaries and comfort levels with intimacy?
- How often do you ideally want to have sex?
- What fantasies or desires do you have that we can explore together?
- How do you feel about trying new things in our sex life?
- What are your needs for non-sexual intimacy, like cuddling or kissing?
- How can we communicate better about our sexual needs and preferences?
- What role do you think sex plays in our overall relationship?
- How do we handle differences in our sexual desires or libidos?
- How can we ensure that both of us feel desired and appreciated?
7. Values and Beliefs
Sharing and understanding each other’s core values and beliefs help create a strong, unshakable foundation to a harmonious and deeply connected relationship. Your values shape your decisions, behaviors, and how you view the world.
By openly discussing these deeply rooted aspects of each other, you can support each other in focusing on what matters most.
Here are some questions to help you both understand your core values and beliefs:
- What are your core values, and how do they influence your life?
- How important is spirituality or religion to you, and how do you practice it?
- What ethical or moral principles are non-negotiable for you?
- How do you view social and political issues, and how do they impact your daily life?
- What traditions or rituals are important to you, and why?
- How do you prioritize different aspects of your life, such as family, work, and leisure?
- How do we handle differences in our values or beliefs?
- What are your views on philanthropy and giving back to the community?
- How do we teach and instill our values in any future children we may have?
- What legacy do you want to leave behind, and how can we work towards that together?
Learn how to identify your core values with the exercises in this workbook. 👇
8. Social Life and Friendships
If there is one thing that couples differ on, it’s on how they approach their social life. Everyone has different desires and needs, some with charged social batteries and others who need a lot of alone time to recharge. It’s also easy for couples to slip into an isolated, singular relationship that accidentally leaves friends out of it.
Whatever the case, it’s helpful to talk about these things at the beginning so that you know what you’re getting into and how to support your future spouse’s relationships.
Here are some questions to learn more about your expectations and boundaries for a social life:
- How much time should we spend with friends versus alone together?
- What are your expectations for socializing as a couple?
- How do you feel about maintaining friendships with people of the opposite sex?
- What boundaries should we set regarding our interactions with friends?
- How do we handle situations where one of us doesn’t get along with the other’s friends?
- How often do you want to have social gatherings or attend events?
- What role do our friends play in our lives, and how involved should they be in our relationship?
- How do we support each other’s need for personal time and space?
- What are our views on making new friends as a couple?
- How can we ensure our social lives enhance, rather than detract from, our relationship?
9. Health and Wellness
Our culture is a little health and wellness obsessed, but it’s for good reason. A healthy mind and body make life’s stresses (they will come! they will never stop coming!) a lot easier to navigate. Openly discussing these health and wellness goals creates a space where you both feel cared for and understood.
Here are some questions to ask your partner about health and wellness:
- How do you prioritize your physical health, and what routines do you follow?
- What are your mental health needs, and how can I support you in meeting them?
- How do you feel about regular exercise, and what types of activities do you enjoy?
- What are your dietary preferences or restrictions, and how can we plan our meals accordingly?
- How do you handle stress, and what relaxation techniques work best for you?
- What are your sleep habits, and how can we ensure we both get quality rest?
- How do you feel about preventive healthcare, like regular check-ups and screenings?
- What are your views on alternative or holistic health practices?
- How can we support each other in achieving our individual health and wellness goals?
- What are our plans for maintaining a healthy lifestyle as we age?
10. Long-term Vision
This is where the fun begins! Crafting a shared long-term vision is all about syncing up your dreams and goals for the future so that you can both move forward together.
When you’re crystal clear on your long-term vision, you can tackle life’s ups and downs with a sense of purpose and unity. This kind of clarity keeps you stay connected, motivated, and dedicated to building a life that mirrors your shared values and aspirations.
Here are some questions to help you get some clarity about your long-term vision:
- What are our long-term goals as a couple?
- Where do we see ourselves in five, ten, or twenty years?
- What kind of lifestyle do we want to lead?
- How do we envision our roles evolving over time?
- What are our plans for financial security and retirement?
- How important is travel or relocating to us in the future?
- What are our dreams for our home and living situation?
- How do we plan to contribute to our community or causes we care about?
- What legacy do we want to create together?
- How will we support each other’s personal growth and fulfillment?
11. In-laws and Extended Family
Navigating relationships with in-laws and extended family can be a delicate dance, but it’s an important part of building a strong partnership. How you interact with each other’s families can significantly impact your relationship.
Talking openly about family allows you to set boundaries, understand expectations, and create an action plan where both partners feel respected and supported.
And it will help prevent misunderstandings by getting ahead of any issues.
Here are some thoughtful questions to ask your partner about in-laws and extended family:
- How involved do we want our families to be in our lives?
- What boundaries should we set with our families to protect our relationship?
- How will we handle conflicts with in-laws?
- What are our expectations for holidays and family gatherings?
- How do we plan to support each other if issues arise with extended family members?
- What traditions from our families do we want to continue in our own family?
- How can we balance time spent with both sides of the family?
- What role do we expect our families to play in our children’s lives?
- How will we communicate our boundaries and expectations to our families?
- What are our plans for taking care of aging parents or family members?
12. Marriage Roles and Expectations
You’d be surprised how wildly people’s expectations about marriage roles differ. People are so deeply influenced by their own families and childhood that what they envision as an average life can be very different to what you envision. This is where small grievances can easily be avoided and also resolved.
Here are some helpful questions to ask your partner and yourself:
- What do you expect from me as a spouse?
- How do you envision our daily roles and responsibilities?
- How should we divide household chores and tasks?
- What are your thoughts on traditional vs. modern roles in marriage?
- What does a typical day look like in these roles?
- How do we support each other’s career and personal growth?
- How should we handle financial responsibilities and decision-making?
- What are your expectations for emotional support and intimacy?
- How do you feel about our social life and spending time with friends and family?
- What are our plans for maintaining romance and keeping the spark alive?
- How do we handle changes in our roles and expectations over time?
13. Cultural Differences
Cultural differences can be both enriching and challenging in a relationship. Embracing each other’s backgrounds and traditions brings a beautiful depth to your partnership, but it also requires open-mindedness and communication.
Discussing your cultural expectations and values helps you understand each other better. Like, why certain cultures welcome unannounced visitors and others prefer to schedule social visits.
Here are some important questions to ask your partner about cultural differences:
- How important is your cultural background to you, and how do you want to incorporate it into our life together?
- What traditions or customs are significant to you, and how can we celebrate them together?
- What are some social norms for your culture? For example, how does your culture view punctuality, loudness, personal space?
- How do families come together in your culture?
- How do we handle differences in our religious or spiritual beliefs?
- What language(s) do you want to be spoken in our home, especially if we have children?
- How do your cultural values influence your views on family roles and responsibilities?
- What cultural practices do you feel strongly about passing on to our children?
- How do we manage potential conflicts between our cultural backgrounds and expectations from our families?
- What are your views on holidays and celebrations, and how can we honor both of our cultures?
- How do we address stereotypes or biases that might arise from our cultural differences?
- How can we continue to learn about and respect each other’s cultures as our relationship grows?
Ready To Explore These Counseling Questions
Getting on the same page with your partner as you begin your lifelong journey together is a rewarding and worthwhile endeavor. My Premarital Preparation Course in a self-paced virtual course that goes deep into these questions and gives you tools to communicate with your partner. But if these important premarital counseling questions feel a little unwieldly to you, then book a call with me to see how we can walk through this process step-by-step together.
Explore more about relationship and intimacy on the blog:
- How To Improve Communication Skills In A Relationship
- Common Premarital Counseling Questions That You Should Ask Your Partner
- How To Handle Conflicts In Relationships In 10 Steps
- How Long Is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship?
- How To Prepare For Marriage: 6 Things To Consider