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Dirty Talk 101: How To Talk Dirty With Your Partner


Dirty talk is an erotic sexual activity that can also be incredibly intimate. Really good dirty talk, where all partners feel safe and aroused, begins with really good communication.

And a little practice 😉

I’ve helped many clients explore their sexual fantasies and learn how to talk dirty confidently. Let’s explore everything I recommend to my clients who want to learn how to dirty talk.

What Is Dirty Talking?

Dirty talk involves using tantalizing, explicit words and phrases to seduce and excite your partner. Known in research circles as “erotic talk” or “sex talk,” it includes all the intimate communications that occur during and about sex. Whether you’re sharing your wildest fantasies or whispering seductive words, dirty talk adds a thrilling and provocative dimension to your intimate encounters.

Why Dirty Talk Is Good For Relationships

Dirty talking can heighten your sexual experiences by adding layers of sexual tension, excitement, and deep emotional connection. Done well, it’s not reciting a script—you’ll discover it’s about authenticity, spontaneity, and responding to the moment.

For those who are feeling self-conscious, this might feel awkward AF, but trust me—once you figure it out, dirty talk can become a powerful tool in your sexual repertoire.

Like many aspects of sexuality, dirty talk is about communication and vulnerability. It’s about being in tune with your partner’s desires and openly expressing your own. It’s also about creating a safe space where both partners can explore their fantasies without judgment (And okay, it’s about laughing, too, because it can be funny).

Getting Comfortable With Dirty Talk

Getting comfortable with dirty talk starts with focusing on the positive and embracing the playful aspects of intimacy. To incorporate dirty talk in your sex life, I recommend the following:

  1. Accentuate the Positive: Start by using your five senses to describe your partner. Take a moment to appreciate how they look, smell, sound, feel, and taste. Use descriptive words to convey what you’re experiencing. For instance, tell them how their scent drives you wild or how their touch sends shivers down your spine. Complimenting your partner can boost both of your confidences and make the experience more enjoyable.
  2. Sexy Time: When it comes to the actual moment, keep things light and fun. Use positive reinforcement to guide your partner. Tell them what you love about what they’re doing, like, “You feel amazing inside me” or “I love the way you touch me.” This not only encourages them but also helps you stay present and connected. If you need assistance to move from saying things like, “You’re doing it wrong”, let’s talk.
  3. Practice Makes Perfect: It’s probably going to feel a bit awkward at first. That’s okay. Laugh if you need to, and let those giggles ease the tension. Remember, sex can be silly, and it’s okay to have fun with it. The more you practice, the more comfortable and confident you’ll become.
  4. Create a Safe Space: Ensure that both you and your partner feel safe and respected. Discuss boundaries and preferences beforehand, so you both know what’s exciting and what to avoid. This open communication creates a trusting environment where you can both explore freely.

Want help spicing things up in the bedroom? Get my Definitive Guide To Dirty Talk For Shy People 🌶️

dirty talk

By focusing on these positive, playful aspects, you can gradually get more comfortable with dirty talk, turning it into a natural and enjoyable part of your intimate experiences.

Tips For Talking Dirty

Let dirty talk be a fun and exciting exploration between you and your partner. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation; you have the freedom to define and design what dirty talk means for you. Spend time being open and curious about different ideas and discover what excites both of you. Embrace the journey of finding your unique voice and style in dirty talk.

As for tips, I recommend the following:

  • Consent: Before diving into dirty talk, discuss boundaries and establish mutual agreement on what is exciting and what to avoid. Consent is key to creating a safe and enjoyable experience for both of you.
  • Pre-Play Prep: Start by discussing with your partner what they like and what terms turn them on or off. Practice using your “breathy voice” to find the right tone.
  • Mindset: Embrace a playful and confident attitude. It’s okay to laugh and then let your sexual energy build again. Pretend you’re an actor in an erotic play—immerse yourself in the moment.
  • Get Curious: Use questions to guide your partner. Ask things like, “Where do you want me to touch you?” or “Should I use my tongue or my hand?”
  • Give Feedback: Communicate what feels good. Use both verbal affirmations like, “I love when you do that,” and non-verbal cues like moans and sighs and mmms.
  • Accentuate the Positive: Describe how your partner looks, feels, smells, sounds, and tastes. Share your appreciation and validate their actions, like saying, “You’re getting me really excited.”
  • Have Fun: Use playful techniques like mad libs to create fun and spontaneous dirty talk. For example, “I want to [action] your [body part].”
  • Role Play: If you’re feeling brave, then role playing is a fun way to explore different sexual fantasies. It’s sometimes a lot easier (and more fun!) to let your character talk dirty and come up with sexy things to say.

Dirty Talk For The Bold And Curious

Want more tips and exercises for crafting steamy dirty talk? Download my Dirty Talk Guide offers exercises and dirty talk examples designed to help you master the art of dirty talk. Whether you’re just starting out or looking to expand your repertoire, this guide offers practical advice and creative ideas to enhance your intimate moments. Embrace your bold and adventurous side and take your dirty talk to new heights!

About the Author

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Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on themamasutra.com.

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