Gateway Sexual Activities



Continuing from Part 1...

Debunking the 'Gateway' Myth

If the politicians of Tennessee are to be believed, certain activities lead to sexual behavior.  Personally, I firmly disagree with the concept that hand holding leads to hugging, which leads to kisses, which leads to touching, which leads to fucking, which leads to fisting, which leads to … [fill in the blank].  Ugh.  That’s ridiculous and misinformed.  But, if these politicians want us to buy into this concept, allow me to introduce items that are more than just kissing and hand holding.

Defining Gateway Sexual Activities

So what are Gateway Sexual Activities (GSA)?  I’ll give you a short list – please note there are lots more than this and I am fairly certain yours is different than mine…they certainly can be.  

Let’s start with the following:

  1. Home Tours of Modern Homes.  Hubba hubba.  The fantasy in my head of exchanging longing looks from across a crowded room of lookie-loos, thinking of having sex with a partner in this clean-lined environment.  *whew*  Fantasy does not need to be acted upon though – lots of times acting it out can ruin the fantasy a bit.  I suppose that puts a damper on the reselling of homes in America.
  2. Men in Kilts.  Ok, this is a new one for me and it’s only come to light after obtaining my first ticket for Burning Man.  The image of a handsome, physically fit, down-to-earth, smart, and comfortable in his own sexuality man who can rock a kilt?  Let’s just say I am REALLY looking forward to the eye-candy on the playa.  😉 And here so many hetero/cis-men are afraid of wearing a skirt.  Too bad.
  3. Men in Tuxedos.  Uh oh.  What does this mean for those political Black Tie State Dinners?  Perhaps this comes from my interest in Bond Movies (Live & Let Die was my first.  A nod to Jane Seymour.) but James Bond is automatically the image that comes to my head of a man in a tux.
  4. Men in Uniform.  Maybe this is why the U.S. Military Industrial Complex doesn’t want gays in the Military?  Well, don’t let me in either.
  5. Comic Book Hero Movies.  It’s easy for me to be turned on by being in a dark theatre, Robert Downey Jr. on the screen, cutting-edge technology.  *shudder*  Thinking of these as GSA puts a potential crimp into that Summer blockbuster movie schedule, no?
  6. Shopping for Produce.  Cucumbers, carrots, and zucchini…Oh My!  Do we have to put covers on the vegetables in the grocery store or at the Farmer’s Market to cover up their nakedness?  Wait, wasn’t it the Victorians who were so “dirty-minded” they started to use tablecloths because table legs got them hot?  Sploshing doesn’t apply here because the produce is firm and not slippery, slimy, or spreadable. <–which leads me to… #7.
  7. Baking apple pies.  Thanks to the “American Pie” movie series there’s another potential GSA.
  8. Summer Camp.  Thanks to the movie “Porky’s.
  9. Discussing Food.  I wasn’t aware of this one until I started dating again.  Thanks to spending time with a Chef I learned how hot it was to hear certain words in their vocabulary.   Hello baste, braise, and marinate!  Now I understand why people spend so much time watching the Food Network.
  10. Discussing Design.  Thanks this time to dating an Interior Designer.  
  11. Talking about other topics of interest.  Seriously, talking to anybody who is really passionate and able to speak intelligently to topics about which they are informed… Total turn on.  So would that mean those TED talks on video are a form of Porn?  I guess so.  (Note: interestingly, talking about sex is not necessarily a turn on for me…go figure.)


Fantasy vs. Reality in Sexuality

I think it’s important to note here that things people typically expect to be “hot” or lead to sexual activity don’t.  For example, lots of people think that going to a nudist beach could or would lead to GSA.  That could not be further from the reality – at least where I’ve been.


The Role of Imagination in Sexual Desire

I hope you realize that I’m writing this completely tongue in cheek.  These so-called “Gateway Sexual Activities” I’ve listed are some of the fantasies of mine – some of them were surprises to me as I wrote this.  I don’t want politicians to eliminate any of the above items or to prevent “us” from teaching about any of them.  I do, however, want the politicians to acknowledge how ridiculous it is to think certain activities lead to sexual behavior AND once you do one activity you cannot stop from moving on to the next.


Embracing Fantasy Responsibly

Do not be afraid of Fantasy.  My best friend told me she grew up hearing the phrase “there’s no such thing as bad thoughts, only bad actions.”  I think that idea is right on.  Acknowledging these fantasies and moving on is healthier than ruminating or obsessing about them.  Remember: Acting on fantasies isn’t always the way to go either.  As I said in #1 above, lots of people indicate that acting something out doesn’t live up to the expectation or anticipation either.  We shouldn’t be forbidden from fantasy nor be made to think that fantasizing is wrong.  To do so is part of the problem.  Let’s teach our youngsters that fantasy is ok, yours might be different from mine and that’s OK too.  In the grand scheme of things, they do NOT lead to sexual activity…unless YOU (and your partner(s)) want it to.



The MamaSutra

About the Author

The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

Related Posts

Optimized by Optimole