If you’re navigating changes in your body, wanting to have sex with your partner, or simply looking to enhance your sexual well-being, this post is for you. Let’s look at how to boost female libido through understanding, innovation, and care, changing those challenges into opportunities for growth and pleasure.

Let’s talk about the complexities and joys of female sexuality.

What Causes Low Sex Drive In Women

Ever wonder why your sex drive isn’t what it used to be? Understanding what’s behind a low libido can really open your eyes to your own health and happiness. Let’s break down some common reasons—not as roadblocks, but as chances to know yourself and your needs better.

• Hormonal Changes: Our bodies are on this wild ride of change, and hormones are a huge part of the journey. Whether it’s changes from the menstrual cycle, having a baby, or entering menopause, these natural shifts can mess with your sex drive. Getting why can help you take charge of your health.
• Relationship Dynamics: What’s going on with you and your partner matters a lot. Feeling disconnected or stuck in unresolved arguments can make intimacy the last thing on your mind. But here’s the good news: talking about and working through these issues can bring you closer and turn up the heat. Learn how to build a lasting relationship.
• Emotional and Mental Well-being: Feeling down, stressed, or anxious can really cool things off in the bedroom. Recognizing these feelings is the first step towards turning things around. Taking care of your mental health isn’t just good for your libido—it’s good for your soul and your relationships too.
• Physical Health and Lifestyle: How you treat your body plays a big role in your sexual health. Things like thyroid issues or just feeling wiped out all the time can drain your desire. Plus, habits like how much you drink or how often you hit the gym can have their say too. Steering towards healthier choices can spark a turnaround in your sex life.

How To Create Desire In A Woman

So often we ask how to create desire in a woman as if something is wrong or broken when, in fact, igniting sexual desire in a woman is about reconnecting with the passion that already exists within her. Her partner needs to gently blow on the flames and feed it with tinder to get the fire roaring. Here’s how to gently grow that spark:

• Cultivate Emotional Intimacy: Desire really kicks off when you’re emotionally in tune. Chat about your dreams, what scares you, and everything in between. These heart-to-heart conversations aren’t just talk—they’re the secret ingredient to closeness and can be a total turn-on.
• Create a Safe Space for Experimentation: Make sure she feels safe and secure enough to share her fantasies and try out new things with you. Talk about what’s off-limits and ease into new experiences together.
• Encourage Self-Exploration: Encourage her to figure out what she likes and wants. This isn’t just good for her confidence; it also opens up a whole new level of closeness between you two.
• Focus on Sensual Experiences: It’s not all about the physical stuff. Set up a romantic dinner, give a relaxing massage, or make your space look and feel welcoming. These things can stir up excitement and make your time together special.

These steps are about more than just moments of desire; they’re about building a loving and adventurous journey together. The magic is in continually rediscovering and cherishing each other’s evolving desires.

6 Ways To Increase Female Libido

Today I share with you my original response (from 2015!) to NPR’s All Things Considered story called “Female Libido Pill Fires Up Debate About Women And Sex”. Link to the original NPR story here.

I will cover some suggestions I have for women and/or couples who may be in a similar situation as the woman in the NPR article. The following tips are for people who may be open to more ideas on pumping up sexual desire before going the pharma route:

1. Rule out physiological symptoms

The woman featured in the NPR article is 50 years old, which brings us to an important point about female sexual desire: it doesn’t necessarily decline with age. Despite common perceptions, the desire for and type of sex that we envision for our 40s, 50s, and 60s isn’t always the same as it was in our 20s. As a sexologist, I can confirm that changes in sexual function are a natural part of aging, influenced by hormonal and physical changes during peri-menopause, menopause, andropause, and beyond.

These changes can sometimes lead to sexual dysfunction, including hypoactive sexual desire disorder, where there is a lack of sexual interest causing personal distress. If you find yourself experiencing low sexual desire, it’s crucial to consult with your doctor to rule out any physiological issues. This could involve a thorough evaluation of your hormone levels and considering whether hormone therapy might be an appropriate treatment. However, always ensure that the physician you consult is well-versed in sexual health, as pharmaceutical companies spend billions marketing treatments that may not always address the underlying issues affecting sexual response.

2. Bring play back into your relationship

For some people, spicing things up to increase sexual desire can be intimidating and baby steps are the way to go. Trust in any relationship is important and can be key to putting yourself out there to try new approaches or sexual fantasies. Two of the benefits of being with a long-term partner is the trust you develop and that you grow closer as you grow old together. Often though, people forget this or take it for granted. Sometimes they may even blame the length of the relationship on waning desire. But trying something new is more comfortable when one has a trusted partner in my opinion. 

To rekindle that flame, try thinking back to dating and the methods you used to engage with your love. Try texting them some sexy innuendoes or leave love notes around the house or in their coat pockets. Touching each other lovingly or sleeping together naked on a daily basis can also help reconnect you as well. 

Spend some time each day investing in building sexual interest and desire during the daylight hours in a playful way. Take advantage of the memories you have had together and revisit some of the things you did while you were dating. As long as your partner is game to play along with you (aka consent) it can be titillating and fun. Once you both get home you may find a desire to let the dishes wait until morning (wink, wink). Exploring new experiences can feel much safer with someone you know and trust.

Want help spicing things up in the bedroom? Get my Definitive Guide To Dirty Talk For Shy People 🌶️

3. Show loving care outside of the bedroom

Both partners can take initiative to pitch in and build the desire in any given relationship. I’m not talking about adding just a couple more minutes of foreplay. I’m talking deliberately adding little acts of love, caring, and compassion that make each other feel loved and adored. For example, helping out more with the kids or household responsibilities without being asked or giving a massage with ZERO expectation that the massage will lead to sex. Sometimes partners can offer more support than they think and feeling supported and loved in a time like this is important.

4. Expand your sexual education 

Most women (and men) could also use more education about various sexual behaviors. Lots of heterosexuals think of penises-in-vaginas as “sex” but there are plenty of other fun activities to engage in that one could find interesting (and I’m talking about more than just blowjobs). One could try taking a class or seeking out information about tantric massage or more kinky behaviors, like those where you play with the power or control aspect of sex. In the right class you could learn, for example, the rules of thumb for the safe use of handcuffs, discover the safe areas to spank someone in order to avoid internal organ damage, and find the most comfortable blindfold for your use, all while learning how to negotiate and communicate what things are and are not ok for you. Power play can be an interesting dynamic; I think this is probably why 50 Shades of Grey is so intriguing to so many people. 

For another form of pleasure-centric play I suggest prostate massage and pegging; Charlie Glickman’s book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure can help couples get past the uncertainty of what to do. But there are so many more acts to explore than these few I’ve mentioned. There is certainly more than just always having him put his penis in her vagina. My colleagues and I educate on these things on a regular basis so don’t be afraid to educate yourself!

5. Venture into new experiences

This next suggestion is something that might sound really “out there” for many of you but hear me out; together you can try doing something kinky like going to a sex club or sex resort. Having sex with your partner in a space where other people are having sex can be hot. There is a rolling orgasm thing that happens when one couple starts to climax and the other couples in the room respond to the additional auditory stimulation. 

In a sex club, there are often rules of engagement. Finding a resort that fits your needs may require some research, but you can find good ones. For example, a lot of places require you to be part of a couple (no singles). It is in these spaces that you’re in an environment where it’s permissible to engage with your partner around other people and consensually acting as either exhibitionist or voyeur – the operative word is consent. 

It may take some getting used to the idea at first; give yourself that time to adjust. You’re not engaging in sexual activity with other people necessarily, you just have that additional thrill and experience of having sex with your partner in front of or in the presence of other people and that can provide titillation for the two of you for quite a while.

6. Work with a sex therapist

Sometimes, the journey to increased libido and better sexual intimacy benefits from expert guidance. A sex therapist can offer a safe space to explore sexual issues, providing both insights and practical strategies tailored to your specific needs. Whether it’s addressing emotional blocks, communication problems within your relationship, or exploring new areas of sexual pleasure, a therapist can facilitate these conversations in a way that is respectful, informative, and non-judgmental.

Working with a professional doesn’t just help in resolving existing issues; it can also be a proactive way to enrich your sex life. They can introduce concepts and practices that perhaps you and your partner have never considered or felt too hesitant to try on your own. From enhancing emotional intimacy to exploring physical desires in a new light, the support of a sex therapist can be transformative.

When To Work With A Mental Health Professional

Figuring out when to seek a little help from a mental health pro can make a significant difference, especially when it comes to your sexual health. Here’s when their expertise can really come in handy:

• Persistent Anxiety or Depression: If you’re feeling down or anxious all the time and it’s messing with your sex life, it might be time to talk to someone. Especially if life’s rough patches seem to make things worse, a professional can help sort it out.
• Relationship Stress and Problems: When things aren’t smooth sailing with your partner, it can definitely put a damper on your desire. Whether it’s endless arguing or just feeling like you’re not connecting, a therapist could help you clear the air and get back on track.
• History of Sexual Trauma or Abuse: Dealing with past trauma is tough, and if it’s affecting your intimate life, seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma could be a big step towards healing. They can offer safe ways to handle these past hurts and improve how you feel now.
• Low Self-Esteem and Body Image Issues: Not feeling great about how you look can hit your libido hard. Talking to a mental health professional might help you see yourself in a new light and boost your desire.
• Chronic Stress and Major Life Changes: If stress is your constant companion thanks to life’s big changes or ongoing issues, it can wear you down, including your interest in sex. A mental health pro can teach you how to deal with stress better, which might just revive your sex life.

Getting some guidance from a mental health pro can provide a supportive space to work through these and other issues, helping you improve both your mental and sexual health for a better life and happier relationships.

Ready To Become Empowered With Your Sexuality?

I hope my ideas have given you some additional things to consider. Taking a pill can be an easy answer for sure, but possible side effects might do more harm than good and there are plenty of other low cost options to consider. Keep in mind that if there are serious problems in the relationship then taking a pill won’t solve the problem. A lot of times the lack of good sex is a symptom of bigger problems in a relationship. 

Make sure to consult with a doctor about whether or not a pill is the best choice for you but keep in mind that a lot of physicians don’t have comprehensive training in human sexuality so they might not think of any of the above alternative suggestions. Remember to be a wise patient and consumer. 

Are you ready to dive deeper and truly understand your sexuality? Book a consultation with me. Together, we can explore tailored strategies that resonate with your unique situation and help you thrive in your intimate life.

Wishing you success in bed and beyond!

Xxoo,

The MamaSutra