how much is too much?!

Hi there,

In honor of Masturbation Month, I wanted to talk more about how and why masturbation is an essential cornerstone of healthy sexuality. One of the questions I get asked all the time is:

How much masturbation is too much – especially after a break-up?

My advice: Don’t worry about how much you masturbate at this point. Masturbation can also be a form of self soothing. It feels good, right? Especially after a break-up, you might be mourning the loss of what you thought the relationship was going to be. So forgive yourself a bit. If the type of pørn you like is expensive and you’re feeling shameful about how much money you’re spending, you could change it up by reading erotica, listening to any of the available services for audio pørn, or finding an adult magazine or two that suits you instead.

I would encourage anyone who finds themselves asking “How much is too much?” in terms of masturbation to consider the feelings they want to have when they masturbate. You could also begin exploring activities that get you out of the house and finding out what other things you enjoy. Movies, Books, Dinner out with your friends. Hiking in nature, taking a class. It’s okay to ask for some company from your friends. If you’re recently single, your social circle might not know how they could help you through this. Ask them for suggestions of things to do too. I’m sure there are many other things you can do with your time that may also serve to help you get the break-up – or whatever is leading you to self-soothe that often – off your mind.

Of course, many of us are afraid to be in love again. You hurt your heart. Just know that it does get better with time – you’ll just need to take some inspired action. In the meantime, start focusing on something else for a while. You could also seek out a sex-positive therapist who won’t shame you for your masturbation habits. Basically, switch your energy into another activity that’s also enjoyable.

I’ll be back in your inbox next week. If these kinda emails are not your thing, click here and I’ll take you off this weekly list.


P.S. I’m hosting a new online program CURED to help men dealing with erectile dysfunction. Get all the information in here.


About the Author

The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

Related Posts

Optimized by Optimole