Another mom friend of mine had an interesting situation occur.  Put yourself in her shoes as I tell the story and think about how you would respond.

Your 7 year old child is at a sleepover at dad’s/friend’s/relative’s house.  Your child is not asleep when an adult/teen/older sibling in the house starts watching a DVD.  It’s “Good Luck Chuck”.  The next day your child comes home and asks you, “What’s a “blow job”?  What’s “fingering”?  What’s “doin’ the nasty”?  What do you DO??

I’ll tell you what happened in this situation.  My girlfriend is an attractive, whip-smart, no-nonsense woman.  She told her daughter the truth and gave a direct answer (a very brief, need-to-know answer) to each question with no shame or embarrassment.  She also told her daughter that those were not appropriate words for a kid to say out in public so they would keep them between mom & daughter.  The daughter tried a couple times to use the new terms but the mom just simply redirected her that it was not a nice thing to say.  And it was totally a non-issue from that point on.

When this fellow mother told her other mother/girlfriends this story, most replied along the lines of… “OMG!  You TOTALLY should have made something up!”  I STRONGLY disagree with that approach.  In my opinion, I think my girlfriend did EXACTLY the right thing.  As uncomfortable as it was for my friend, she knew deep down that she did not want to tell her daughter a lie.  They have a strong mother-daughter bond.  I think this just made that bond stronger.

So now back to you:  How do you think lying or telling untrue words to your son or daughter will affect your relationship?  Fast forward 5 years or so when your child encounters the words again with his/her peers and the others laugh at your child because s/he is misinformed.  Do you think that will have an impact on what your child thinks of you?

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  1. Misinformation is, IMHO, never a good thing. The child needs to know what these things are in order to understand what is and is not appropriate in our culture just as much as she needs to understand how to react when she hears those terms, and, as this story shows, you can’t protect them forever! Thanks for sharing, MS.

  2. When I was small, I was always asking these sorts of deep probing questions… a horribly embarrassing experience for my sweet innocent mother whose mother (my grandma) wouldn’t let anyone even talk about “pregnancy around my mother as child. I personally am a sex-positive parent, against all the prudish admonishments of family, I give direct succinct answers and if they child is able to pose a follow-up question, I am willing to give more.

    My mother, however, was an illusionist – I would ask X question. She would stand thoughtfully thinking for a minute, I could tell she formulating the perfect answer to illuminate me in all things sexual – She would then instead ask me a set of probing questions about where I heard about X, where X was seen, etc. etc. She would then assure me that if I had any more questions I could always come to her. I would wander off – only realizing later that she had never answered a single question. It was effective – I gave up asking her and started asking others.

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