From time to time, I get products to review, and occasionally I need a partner. Well, not long ago I had a product to review, one that required me to have a partner, and they wanted a quick turnaround for the review. The dilemma for me was not about the product. My issue is that I am currently partnerless. I needed to make a plan. So what does one do if they are a sexologist and they don’t have a partner? I guess the same thing a lay person (#sexjoke) would want to do…

There was this guy I met a while ago. I’d really sort of been fantasizing about him. He’s intelligent, smiley, genuine, and really fun and sexy. We initially met at an event where we had mutual friends there, had gone on one actual date (but didn’t go home together), in between meeting up several times at events together to dance, and got to know each other pretty well as friends via phone, text, and facebook. Full disclosure: There had been kissing but never anything more than that (and can I just add here how hot the kisses were? Which contributed to why I reached out to him. Duh). We were friendly (occasionally really friendly on the dance floor), so I took a chance to send a text message (yeah, a TEXT MESSAGE) while he was traveling for work and I said…

I continued on to describe the product and what I was testing and that I would need his feedback. He asked if Friday when he returned would work for me. Um, are you kidding?? YES! I get to anticipate having sex with this guy all week?? Yippee!

…Later he told me that my proposal was “one of the better lines” he’d heard. And thanked me for flattering his ego.

I’m not going to give you the play-by-play – I have that stored in my memory bank (spank bank??) for me for later. I will say it was yummy. Being in this situation where we never had sex before but now knowing that we totally would be able to… it was hot. We stepped into this playful game of Consent… Breathlessly between kisses I started with, “May I take off your shirt?” He whispered, “yes, please.” And then he reciprocated with a question of his own, and I answered “yes”. …  Back and forth, everything started with “May I?”

I just want to add here, for all of you out there who say “Oh I hate it when I guy asks me if he can kiss me”, “just take what you want dammit”, “don’t be a wimp” or whatever… may I suggest that you are NOT playing with the right attitude? This exercise was so freaking hot… Every question or piece of clothing being removed seemed to build up the tension. The tone of his voice? The volume? The intensity? Goosebumps.

Fast forwarding again. 🙂 We had the conversation about STI’s and how long ago since we were tested and discussed the fact that we were going to use condoms. So, when we actually got the that point, we paused to make some decisions. I had a sampler pack from LuckyBloke ( with about 15 different kinds of condoms. We discussed what the features were of each one and I let him decide which one he wanted to try. Naturally, he lost his erection while we were talking about the technical stuff. Lots of guys seem to get bashful about any momentary softness – let me just add here… that ebb and flow of tumescence and flaccidity? It’s normal; guys, you’re really not all expected to be 12 inches long, stay rock hard, and last all night.

The next time I chose which condom we used. That sampler pack from the good people at LuckyBloke had many great options (p.s., send more please). I have discovered that I have a favorite type – The One brand Flavor Waves – for a few reasons:

  1. they come in fun colors which add a fun, festive aspect. Sex educator extraordinaire Megan Andelloux suggests color coding for the various holidays, you know, just for fun.
  2. if there are any tears or holes in the condom then they are easier to spot once unrolled onto the penis than in traditional condoms.
  3. it makes putting condoms on with your mouth so much more tasty – a fun party trick you can easily learn to make condom application fun and part of your play… I hesitated to put a quick video tutorial for this part on here although I thought about it.

– – it was the icing on the cake for the Safer Sex Trifecta (Talking about STI’s/Testing, Consent, and Using Protection).

I share this story for a few reasons. You’re more likely to get what you want if you ask for it, and getting the other person’s consent can be pleasurable and lead to some fun-filled experiences. For both of you. It doesn’t matter if you are a sexologist or not, go out and ask for what you want. But make sure to listen for the “YES”.

NOTE: did not put me up to this review (I was reviewing a different product). The sampler pack was sent NSA – no strings attached. I am including the site in this story because I am pleased with the product she sent to me. You may use the code AMAZING for 20% off everything at until August 31, 2013. Tell them I sent you.

The MamaSutra

About the Author

The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

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