Ah, Valentines’s Day 2020. Valentine’s Day 2020!!!

I have a love/hate relationship with this date (a sneak peek of my mental hiccup in the short video clip here):

Ever since I was single those years after my divorce, I feel the low-grade, toxic pressure this day creates. Making this ONE day mean so much – the make or break, peak day it has become – is not healthy in my opinion. 

I’m a fan of spreading love out over the entire year. In America in particular, you can not avoid this day at all. If this *is* your favorite day and you must celebrate, might I suggest you spread the love in many ways? For example:

  1. Yourself.

    Single or partnered, treat yo self and show yourself some love. Just today, I gifted myself a massage that had a sensual component to it (Thank goodness for talented friends). Experiences like this help me to get embodied and listen better to my gut. And what a fantastic way to start the day!

  2. Galentines & Palentines.

    Spend some time connecting with your non-romantic, platonic friends. At the very least, pick up your phone and call to tell them you’re thinking of them and catch up. When’s the last time you didn’t text? For me? Way too long. I called a friend a couple of hours ago and it felt great (Miss you girl!)

  3. Balentines.

    (This is the adorable word my youngest came up with when she was little [and had a stuffy nose]). Show your kids some love. Spend time with them. Do something fun. I take this as an opportunity to acknowledge how much I love them (and hopefully model compassion, generosity, and caring). I’ve had cards, small thinking-of-you treats, as well as a “certificate” I made for us to go and experience a Rage Room in San Jose for about a month now. I’m excited to give them these on the actual day. Hopefully, they didn’t snoop around and find them already?!. 

  4. Valentines.

    All of the previous ideas work for this one too. Doing something nice or preparing a card or gifts for someone else. This could be for a partner or a total stranger.
    If I’m going out to do something special, I personally like to focus on experiences versus buying more things. It prompted me to create this list of 50+ Date Ideas. You don’t need to have a significant other or partner for these – you can do some of these solo or with your kids (depending upon their ages, of course).

I hope you’ll join me in not only focusing on a partner but also reaching out to friends and family to wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a wonderful reminder for us to share love. But please, also remember to set dates in your calendar every month so you appreciate your loved ones all year long too. 

What are your favorite ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Reply or comment below and share that love.



p.s., That said, if you don’t regularly show others love the other 364 days of the year, then VDay is THE day for you to step up and knock it out of the park. Click this link to use the 50+ Date Ideas and customize one of your own.

About the Author

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on themamasutra.com.

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