So what does a sex coach do? Well, I’ve been in the sexuality field since 2009, working as a sex coach with clients since 2011. The things that I observe most? People want a quick fix. No, I don’t mean a “quickie” sex sesh. I mean that the types of things we google to get answers for – they’re generally pretty basic things. 

I also see “sex gets the short end of the stick”. Because sex is not taken seriously in many circles it doesn’t garner the respect it deserves. Sex and sexuality touch nearly every discipline in one way or another. Think about it; law, physical therapy, psychology, technology, etc, etc. It’s also the one subject we should properly learn about in schools since it is practiced by nearly everyone at some point in our lifetimes. By comparison, reciting Pi to the 50th digit or memorizing the periodic table is not as helpful. 

Folks also tend to think of sex in very simplistic ways. They think if they get the proper way to do some specific technique then THAT will fix any problems in their relationships or get them the best partner(s). Don’t believe me? Look at the headlines on the covers of magazines in the grocery checkout aisle or google search results: “How to tell if he’s good in bed”, “How do I please my lover more”, “What’s the best way to give a blow job”, “How to climax together.” They’re reactive. Tactics.

Nobody Googles, “How do I develop a healthy sexuality” nor, “How do I help my kids develop healthy sexuality” even though they totally should. That’s a better question to ask. 

But is Google the best place to answer questions about sex? I don’t think so. Not for individualized responses. Good sex education is inclusive, but it’s also nuanced. One answer doesn’t necessarily fit all. Working with a sex and relationship coach (like me) can be fun because most of us love to geek out on these questions. 

What Does A Sex Coach Do?

A sex coach provides education, guidance, and strategies to help individuals and couples enhance their sexual wellness and intimacy. This role involves discussing sexual issues, improving communication, offering practical advice for a fulfilling sex life, and correcting misinformation that may be affecting their understanding of sexuality. It does not include any physical sexual interaction with clients.

As a sex coach, I guide and support you in exploring and enhancing your sexual wellness and intimacy. My role involves educating, empowering, and providing personalized strategies to improve your sexual experiences and communication, tailored to your unique needs and desires.

Common sexual issues that people seek sex coaching for include:

  • Low Sexual Desire: Addressing lack of sexual interest or desire, and finding ways to reignite passion.
  • Erectile Dysfunction: Helping individuals manage and overcome challenges with achieving or maintaining an erection.
  • Orgasmic Challenges: Assisting in overcoming difficulties in achieving orgasm or enhancing orgasmic experiences.
  • Sexual Pain Disorders: Providing strategies and support for dealing with pain during sexual activity.
  • Communication Issues: Improving ways to communicate intimacy needs and sexual desires with a partner.
  • Confidence and Body Image Issues: Building self-confidence and a positive body image in a sexual context.
  • Sexual Identity Exploration: Supporting exploration and understanding of one’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
  • Intimacy Issues: Helping to deepen emotional and physical intimacy in relationships.
  • Sexual Trauma Recovery: Assisting in the healing process from past sexual trauma.

Each of these issues is approached with sensitivity, confidentiality, and a personalized plan to enhance sexual well-being and relationship satisfaction.

sex & relationship coaching

What To Expect When Working With A Sex Coach

A key aspect of my work as a sex coach is strategizing with clients. We take a step back to fully understand the issue at hand. I view sex education as a journey of enlightenment – it’s about gaining insights and spreading knowledge about human sexuality. How does this approach work in practice? Think of a problem in your sexual life as a leaky dam. Through education, we address and fix the leak, reinforcing the dam before it breaks. This proactive approach helps prevent larger issues from developing downstream.

For me, addressing sexual health issues is fundamentally about practical problem-solving. To effectively prevent unwanted pregnancies, abortions, or the spread of STIs, it’s crucial to provide comprehensive sexuality education taught by qualified experts. Yes, specialized sex-ed teachers play a vital role.

However, the challenge lies in the fact that many individuals teaching sex education in public schools aren’t specialized sex educators. Often, they are general teachers, like gym, science, health, or even math teachers, as was the case during my school days, who are handed a binder and some video clips to teach the subject. This approach is inadequate. I strongly advocate for schools to bring in trained and knowledgeable sexuality educators who specialize in this field. We exist, and our expertise is essential for effective sexual education.

Specialized instruction is crucial in many areas of life. Just as we have music teachers in schools, those serious about mastering an instrument often seek private lessons. This principle applies across various fields, including sex education. There’s no shame in seeking help to improve skills in sports, cooking, computers, etc. The same goes for sexual wellness. If you want to get good at something, instruction helps. Practice doesn’t necessarily help if you’re doing it wrong in the first place. So get help to learn what you should have learned in the first place. Working with a sex coach can be that individualized instruction. 

Sex itself doesn’t make us whole but knowing more about sexuality, in general, can make us feel more comfortable and self-assured.

Mindset is another crucial component. Those who realize that tactics and strategy alone aren’t enough are often ready to embrace a mindset shift that can elevate their relationships to a new level.

The way to do that is also through coaching. Just as sports coaches use mindset training, visualizations, and other techniques to enhance performance, working with a sex coach like me involves similar methods to help you reach your goals. I assign ‘homework play’ tasks, which include both hands-on activities and inner thought experiments. These assignments vary in challenge; some might be demanding, while others are more enjoyable and effortless. It’s also telling when someone chooses not to complete these tasks, as it provides insight into their commitment to personal growth or the blocks they have yet to notice..

Types Of Sex Coaching

Sex coaches can use several different methods to address your sexual concerns. Many sex coaches use talk-based approaches, focusing solely on conversation and talk therapy without any physical contact, either with oneself or with the coach. Others incorporate somatic experiences, which may involve guided practices in self-love or sexual touch.

Unlike sex therapy, which uses a theoretical approach to sexual dysfunction, sex coaching focuses on improving your understanding and mindset. Working with a sex coach can come in a few different formats. My most common sex coaching sessions are:

  1. Individual Coaching: Tailored for individuals seeking to explore their sexuality, overcome personal challenges, or enhance self-confidence in their sex lives.
  2. Couples Coaching: Focused on helping couples improve their sexual communication, deepen intimacy, and resolve issues related to their sexual relationship.
  3. Parent Coaching: Specifically designed for parents, this coaching helps in navigating conversations about sex and intimacy with children, promoting healthy sexual education in the family.

Common Questions

Do sex coaches perform sex?

No, sex coaches do not perform sex. As a sex coach, my role is strictly professional and educational. I provide guidance, strategies, and support to help you explore and enhance your sexual wellness and intimacy. The coaching process involves conversations, education, and exercises that you can practice in your personal time, but it does not include any physical sexual interaction between the coach and the client.

What is the difference between a sex coach and a therapist?

The main difference lies in the approach and focus. A therapist, particularly a sex therapist, often deals with deep-seated psychological issues and may use psychotherapy to address sexual problems. Their work can include diagnosing and treating mental health disorders. As a sex coach, while I also address sexual issues, my focus is more on education, goal-setting, and providing practical advice and strategies to enhance sexual wellness and intimacy going forward. I work with clients to develop skills and knowledge for a healthier and more satisfying sex life, but I do not diagnose or treat mental health disorders.

What do intimacy coaches do?

Intimacy coaches, which is really a euphemism for “sex coaches”, focus on helping clients build deeper emotional and physical connections in their relationships. This involves guiding clients in understanding and expressing their needs, desires, and boundaries more effectively. I work with individuals and couples to improve communication, deepen emotional bonds, and enhance physical intimacy. This first coaching session can include discussions and exercises related to emotional closeness, trust, affection, and sexual expression, all aimed at fostering a more fulfilling intimate relationship.

Work With A Sex Coach

If you’re curious about working with a sex coach and how that might help to shift your attitudes about sexuality so you can experience more intimacy, connection, and freedom, click here to set up a Discovery Call. I look forward to being your guide to a whole new level of confidence in your relationships

About the Author

The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

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